Monday, March 2, 2015

March 2, 2015

I'm having a tough time right now. Today sucks but in general, I'm having a rough time. I'm gaining weight, I'm stressed out to the extreme, and I'm emotional like I've never been. 

I'm back up to 181 lbs. I am working on being more strict with my eating. Making sure I eat - making sure when I do eat, I'm eating the right things. 

I was supposed to start working this week. As disappointing as it is that T's brother promised me more help than he delivered - at least I had a lead. I made arrangements for Helen and I showed up at Costa Farms this morning because they're hiring a ton of people - there's signs EVERYWHERE that they're hiring. I get there this morning 45 minutes before human resources opens only to discover I don't have my Social Security card, I have my old one under my old name and I waited until nearly 10 just to be told, come back with the right card. :-/

I was pretty devastated by that. I was already upset because I was sitting there and ppl are being pulled out of the crowd to go work and it was not looking good for me. 

I can't change that stuff. I was willing to stay until I got a job - but I can't get a job without the social security card. I came home, looked for it and by the time I was able to determine it's not here in the house, Mom doesn't have it and it's just gone. :( It's too late for me to drive the hour up the road to get another one and be back in time to pick up the little one (I'd already told her that I'd pick her up); So I go up there after picking up the little one only to discover the office is closed already. I didn't make it in time.

I cried all the way back to Homestead. I get to the school, I'd decided screw it. I'll go back and be there when they open; get my card (and receipt) and go park my ass back at Costa to try and get a job - so might as well pay for the after-care. The lady left for the day already. 

The gym teacher was there sitting in the office and I mention I lost my SS card and she says 

"Everything happens for a reason"

Made me stop and think. Maybe it does. Maybe I should not do this now. I am so confused. :( 

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