Saturday, January 31, 2015

January 31, 2015

You ever have one of those days - you're super busy but you're pleased as punch with everything you're doing? Yah, that's my day today. Got up, on time even, got ready to head out to do cookie booths. Couldn't get the Superbowl balloons for our booth and the guy was late getting our recipe cards done. Oh it was worth the wait though because they were AMAZING! We have another cookie booth tomorrow and I have to go pick up the balloons tonight so I have EVERYTHING ready for tomorrow's booth! I'll be running on a tight schedule as I'm going to do part of my confirmation classes and then leave early to do the booths. Better some of it than not at all!! We usually finish at 10:30 - I'll have to leave by 9:45 to head over. T can bring all the cookies and balloons and stuff and I'll just take the Kia and meet him there. I've already got the car loaded with everything BUT the balloons so it should be fine. 

I met T for lunch and we did his estimate for his next reno job. I'm still frustrated because he's up to his eyeballs in word at Redland still and I want him too stop taking on work there because he's not getting paid in a timely way for that work. He at least got a partial payment today. Now if he can just get paid the rest of that invoice, I can relax. Can't wait to not be reliant on him for this stuff. 

It's just been a busy and fabulous day. I can't help but realize just how happy I am when I'm living this full and busy life! It takes me back to that low point in my life when my therapist once told me that unless I'm busy, I'm always going to be miserable. She's right, I am happiest when I've got my hands full!! 

Started the year off with a bang and ending the first month with a bang! 


Friday, January 30, 2015

January 30, 2015

Holy Cow! Things are moving faster than I expected soon the drama will be over, the troop meeting is being cancelled and T and one of the Moms will be doing cookie business over by the playground. A different meeting will be taking place to resolve all the issues.

I'm both excited and nervous about this meeting. Excited because I want the drama to end and nervous because that stupid part of me is fearful that I have somehow screwed up. Mostly excited. I just hope it doesn't get too melodramatic  - I just can't go on dealing with it. 

I just want this crap to be over. Get on with troop business. I've got my hands full with cookies and trying to find a job. I hope to be over this congestion soon and be back to the gym next week.

My house has been a wreck lately - and I've been putting some time into putting it back in proper OCD order. It's slow because I've been thoroughly cleaning as I go de-cluttering everything. This weekend the Holiday Decorations are being put away! Once and for all - it's gotta go. I'm sick of looking at it all. We're almost done with cookies and in a few weeks the cookies will be gone too. I can reclaim my living room. Of course, this sudden need to clean and be crazy orderly with my house is a straight reaction to dealing with the drama. The chaos is driving me insane and I feel the need to surround myself with the comfort of order. Broken somehow, but oh well, I'm in the mood to indulge my brokenness so I feel better. Granted, I'm not letting it take over my life, so as long as it doesn't become all consuming, I'll willing to indulge myself because I am keeping it on this side of sane. 

I'm hoping next week to get back to the gym. I'm unhappy with my workout schedule, so I think I'll be signing up for time to sit with B and figure out a new routine. I'm not sure I want to keep working out at the gym. I keep finding myself looking at at-home stuff. Or things I can use at the park. I can't tell if I'm just bored with the workout at the gym or what. we'll see what that consultation says. I think I'm going to see the new girl about this though. B is just too used to me. lol I'm not sure. Maybe I"ll see them both and do both who knows? 

As anxious as I feel right now, I also feel hopeful. I can see things starting to come together in that vision I have for my life. I know I just have to keep doing what I'm doing and I'll get where I'm going. I'm feeling that drive to get it done. NOW

Sunday, January 25, 2015

January 25, 2015

It looks like being out in the cold and wet yesterday had a negative affect on me. I woke up with no voice and aching all over. I stayed in bed all day. 

Starting last night the NFL Network was doing 30 minute recaps of every Superbowl ever played. They got the Patriots first Superbowl win. I cried...then and now. I cried again at the end of the Imperfect Season loss. I feel no shame for that. I love my favorite team and I'm ride or die with it. Watching the Pro Bowl now, I love it! This is truly the best Pro Bowl ever played. Love the format, that fans voted who could be in it and that they did away with the AFC vs NFC format. Of course, we're rooting for Michael Irving's team. All about the U, baby!! Closest I'll ever get to rooting for Dallas LMAO

Good thing for me, I already have an appointment with my PCP tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure he's going to be pleased with me overall. Still smoke free, weighing less than 180 lbs. I officially weigh less than I did when I graduated high school now. 

A sick day but a good day none the less. 

Thursday, January 22, 2015

January 22, 2015

I was less than energetic today and I thought it was a mental thing. I went to the gym and I had signed up for the new trainer's ab class (it is tough for me and I love it) and I had this mental image to push through what I thought was a mental block. 

Turned out to be it was not mental, but physical. I am sick as a dog. First I got hit with dizziness and then my stomach said "Go ahead bitch, do another sit up, I dare you."

I decided to not push it and end the workout and go home. I had a tough five minute drive home, I felt like I'd slammed into a brick wall. I sent out some emails and made some phones calls, took some cold meds and put myself to bed. I ate what I should have today, and so what if it wasn't exactly on time. It was good enough under the circumstances.

I missed a phone call from Na-na and I'm bummed about that but proud of myself for not pushing through and instead stopping to take care of myself when I needed to. 

I'm also wondering if I'm ever going to be able to watch "The Biggest Loser" without sobbing. Not likely. Yah, I'm going to watch the finale next week and I'll sob my way through that. We'll see if I can stand to see next season. 

One last thing, my motivation to work out today was driving towards something instead of running away. I can do it. Today wasn't the day to do that - but I know I can do that. I do have a mental image of something and it's enough to drive me. I was worried it wouldn't be enough but it is. I'm sick and I'm relieved. 

Thursday, January 15, 2015

January 15, 2015

Today is actually a special day for me today. Eight years ago today, I met my husband for the first time. We knew each other from online chat rooms and when my friend and I decided to take a road trip in Florida to relax and unplug after a long hard run on a work project - he offered to  show us around and let us camp at his place.

I got lost on our way to meet him. Like lost in Big Cypress Swamp, driving up and down US RT 41 and trying to get cell service in the swamps. He did find me eventually! We had even better in person chemistry than we did online. Ever meet someone and you just clicked with them?? Not just physically - but it was like they instantly "get you". Yah, it was like that.  Wasn't just a physical connection but a mental connection too.

I just realized this when I went to write this post. It was exactly what I needed to remember today. I'm having a bad bad day full of stress. After my surgery, I said, "When you hang onto your blessings, no hell can touch you". Yah, realizing today is our 8th anniversary of just meeting - it made my stress level drop.

The drama within our troop has reached a breaking point.. Me losing my insurance and being stuck paying for insurance that costs more per year than our annual income is a problem I can find a solution to. I don't have to take that one on by myself. I have a true partner and we, as a family have a support network we can rely on. I need to focus on working in the nursery today and Tommy and I will find time in the next few days to try and hammer out a solution. Or at least what we're going to do in the short term until we come up with a long term solution. 

Stay in the now and embrace those blessings!! 

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

January 13, 2015

Today is my Lucky Day! It's my father's birthday! Yay! I still have my Pops around to celebrate it!! I'm super lucky for that!! My father is a Cancer survivor so I'm extra grateful for that!!

Today is going to be a quick drive-by type post. I'm still stewing on my "Master Plan" but some things are starting to come together in my head.

Tonight I have a Girl Scout meeting and we're handing out cookies. The situation with my co-leader continues to worsen as any and all attempts to talk with her about the situation is met with silence. Someone from council will be meeting with me and my co-leader R and we're going to talk to her about the overall problem and what council intends to do about it and what resolution we're looking to get. Also we've decided what will happen if we don't get that resolution. We'll see what happens, I informed the missing co-leader that we were meeting at 4 and asked her to come - she was told that the meeting is NOT about attacking her. It's not, I'm over it and just want to get down to the business of scouting and freaking cookies!! 

On that note, it's time to start loading cases of cookies in my car so I can make this meeting on time! Woohoo!! We're officially underway as of today!

Monday, January 12, 2015

January 11, 2015

Another day moving towards I don't know what. I'm still feeling lost. The fact that I don't have any career going or contributing to the household finances is starting to bother me. While I am in fact, under a court order to get a job as soon as I'm medically cleared to do so and there's a process for me to follow to get out of that if my ortho doesn't medically clear me; the pressure I feel is completely internal. It's my own innate needs that drive me. Getting a job is easy - I need to figure out what I'm going to do with myself as far as an actual career kind of thing goes. Thinking of my overall financial future, 65 is only 20 years away. Seems like a lot, doesn't it? It used to be 40 years away! I need to make some hard choices and I don't intend to make those choices alone. I'll be sitting down with my husband and we're going to be starting a discussion about this. 

I have cookie and Girl Scout drsma. I will admit, I'm a bit resentful about the whole thing. I could let it go and am willing to let it go - but ONLY if it's dealt with. We will ultimately have to have a meeting between all five of us. 

Yah, now that I've got that out of my system, I need to get to bed. I feel better about that coming to some kind of resolution. Whether that resolution is what I want it to be or not, we will just have to see. 

Saturday, January 10, 2015

January 10, 2015

That wasn't so bad. I had cookie pick-up first thing this morning. This is my first year being "cookie mom" and being in charge of cookies. I keep hearing all these horror stories about how awful it is, not just from people all over but people around here. Not a hitch. My husband was my driver, and we pulled in, checked in and pulled up, loaded up and checked out. Our time slot was 8:07 and we were done by 8:00 am and driving away with our truck load of cookies. 

Yah, T had to run off to work as soon as he parked the truck and the little one slept over at Grandma's last night so we could go hang out with friends and do cookies first thing this morning.  I unloaded all those cookies by myself and got them upstairs in the house. Surprise workout!  I'm definitely ready to get back to work - maybe need some kind of prescription anti-inflammatory stronger than ibuprofen - but I'm ready. My knee held up just fine - and after a hard week of working it at the gym.

I've pretty much spent most of my day today doing cookies and Girl Scout stuff. I have to have a day to focus on the GS stuff and that's going to be a key to moving forward with my plans to be a Leader AND a working mom. 

Speaking of plans....Yesterday I took advantage of a coaching call with Christie. It was a great call but one of the things we talked about is Daily Affirmations. She gave me an excellent example and the theme of our discussion was now that I'm done running from the painful health issues and am trying to run toward the positives in life....What exactly am I running towards? I think the lack of direction in my life right now is why I'm not nearly as driven as I was in the beginning of my weight loss journey. The health issues didn't entirely disappear but they are looming just enough to keep me from backsliding - but not close enough to propel me forward. 

Yes, I want to keep doing Girl Scouts, especially after today and last night. I volunteered to help out at the Cookie PJ Party and what little there was for me to do - I genuinely enjoyed it! Sure I'd like to complete the Boston Marathon some day. Be at my goal weight. Stay at my goal weight. I need to have some actual career and make money for myself and my family...doing what? I don't know. Do I go all in with this nursery gig or take a more traditional stab at the nail thing again?  A bunch of goals but they seem to disparate from each other. There is a lack of overall direction - a master plan. That is what I need to sit and think on this week. What's my master plan here?? j

Unlike when I was 18, and I feared getting locked into any situation and desperately wanted to keep my options open, I'm not afraid of that anymore. I'm somewhat late to the commitment party - but I'm here now! I told my husband we need to set aside some time to have a deep discussion about my master plan and what it should look like. Not just for me, but for us BOTH, as a couple and individuals. That discussion needs to not happen on our way to a party. We'll set aside a date night and bring a pen and paper. 

Now that is out of the way, it's time for some FOOTBALL!! GO PATRIOTS!! 

Friday, January 9, 2015

January 9, 2015

Yay! Thank God it's FRIDAY! Ok, I say that every day. Thank God it's [Insert Day of the Week]! LOL It's been a crazy busy week!! Not bad, in the least!! I managed to get it together enough to conduct a reasonably organized meeting with my girl scout troop, had a few last minute solutions and technology challenges but it was a GREAT week!! 

Yesterday turned out to be way more crazy than I thought it should be!! I goofed off all morning and then since it was so darned cold, put on pants and a t-shirt and a zip up hoodie and put my workout clothes in a bag...along with my shopping list and went to pick up my little one. I hit the gym and met the new trainer. I really like her a lot!! We did abs first and then I did 10 minutes of cardio and then we did legs and then I did another 40 minutes of cardio on the treadmill. Since today was leg day, I just walked but I put the incline on 10 and just walked as fast as I could stand it on that incline. The idea being to work that ACL without the major impact of running. So the theory goes from my physical therapist. 

After that, I hit up a few grocery stores and then ran to go pick up the little one. I made one more quick stop at a grocery story to buy the family some dinner and then I went off to my Girl Scout leader meeting. Weeee!! More cookies booths! LOL My previously full booth schedule is now looking kinda empty. Part of that is because one of the location. is now allowing TWO tables at each entrance, so I have room for more girls. We have a possible second location doing the same thing - so we will see what we will see. I still have lots of girls who have not yet signed up. I'm super stoked about all of this as it's looking like my girls will EXCEED their goal. 

Today is looking no less busy. I wrote this last night and I'm currently working out at the gym! Today I'm vowing to make this a "Last Chance" workout! Upper and Lower Body strength training and then an hour of cardio/conditioning. I have my coaching call with Christie and then a little time to finish up my laundry before I run off to my Cookie PJ Party. I volunteered to help set up and will stick around if I'm needed to help with the girls. After that, the hubby and I are headed off to hang with some of our friends. Our friend who owns our doggie house guests is one of the people we'll be seeing and I want to give him an update on how the dogs are doing and to make arrangement to get my washing machine from his old house. If all goes well, I'll get that this weekend! Woohoo!! My own washer and dryer again! 

I'm super stoked about my shopping trip today. I have decided that I need to stop with eating so many bars! It's ok to have them sometimes - but I need to eat FOOD, actual food! I can't make every single snack a bar. I've been eating them 2 and 3 times a DAY. It doesn't impact my losses but I need to eat more actual food. After spending a week actually eating food 6 times a day, I decided I need to fit that back in! Make the time for it and do the advance prep to make that goal a realistic possibility! I've talked about these big plans for canning and freezing stuff - well I am ON THAT! Starting NOW! 

Thursday, January 8, 2015

January 8, 2015

I had this big long post written and I just deleted it all. I'm in the mood to write about all my recent drama and I just decided this is not the place or the proper format to do that. I'll save that for a "just for me" post. Mostly so I don't have to go back and explain the whole back story - it's sooo long and tedious. Almost 10 years worth of bullshit and gaslighting abuse. Let's talk about something positive! 

I saw my trainer yesterday and I told him "I love you!" he asked why and I said "Because I went on a cruise and I looked amazing!" I did look amazing and I cannot forget that I was wearing a size 14 bathing suit bottoms on New Year's day!! That was one of my goals, to get in a size 14. Granted, it was a big girls size 14, but that still counts! Actually, the goal was to get into a size 14 pants - but the bathing suit bottoms are DARNED close. Size 14 is right there and it's so close I can SMELL it.  Even better, in Grand Caymen I was shopping for a dress and the lady handed me one and I felt comfortable enough to take her word for it that it fit. It looked like it would fit. I tried it on when I got back to my stateroom and it did fit, just a little tighter than I would have liked around the tummy area!! Just a few more pounds and I'm going to be rocking that killer dress. Killer dress I can almost fit, size 14 so close I can smell it. Crazy transformation underway!

I still can't believe it. I'm on the edge of the 170's. I still can't wrap my head around the last year. I've already lost half the weight I gained. I knew some of it was it being TOM and all the alcohol consumption but I'm positive that some of it is a true gain. I'm also sure that I'll lose that true gain this week. I'm back home and doing my darnest to get back in the groove. I'm struggling a little with the exercise part of it. The nutrition, I've got that down. I'm a normal person who gets hungry when I should and eats what I should as a result of being hungry. I need to get back to that place where I'm working super hard with the exercise. I think I might be bored with my workout. My gym got a new girl as a trainer, I'll be working with her tomorrow so maybe that will add a little spice to my workout. If not, I'll demand Brandon step it up! I need to do something to intensify my strength training. 

Time to catch up on some TV and see what I missed on "Biggest Loser".

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

January 7, 2015

I did my weigh in yesterday. The damage is only 6 lbs. I have to be honest and say my reaction to that was "That's it??" I said I wasn't going to worry about a gain and I was surprised to discover that I wasn't the least bit worried. I have, after all, lost 80 lbs so far. Seriously, what's six pounds compared to that? Not a heck of a lot - let me tell ya!! A few weeks and I'll be right back down to 180. One of the first times in my life, I truly have complete confidence that I can lose it. It's not an unrealistic expectation, I know exactly what I need to do. I planned to indulge and indulge I did and now it's back to daily life and back on the weight loss train. 

I thought about not weighing in. 
"Wait til next week," that lying little voice said. 
"It's not Monday, it won't be a true weigh-in"

HA!! Yah right. It's a true weigh in. I logged it on the NS site so now it really counts. Even though I have all that stuff hidden..."Nutrisystem" knows. Something about logging it on NS' site makes it REAL for me. I'm admitting it here and coming clean and I'll be doing that in the Facebook group soon too! Shout it from the rooftops as much as I dare! Some part of me is also a little happy. I did something normal and mundane - I gained weight from eating too much of the wrong things. Not some weirdo, thyroid, under-eating with a screwed up metabolism thing - just plain old overeating bad stuff. For so long something has been wrong with nothing is wrong with me. If I overeat or eat the wrong things, I gain weight just like every one else. I'm not special or different and it's the best feeling in the world. 

I see a shift in the way I look at my weight now. When I started, it was about getting healthy. Getting all that metabolism and blood sugar stuff under control. Yah, now it's under control. I'm in no danger of going back to that with a slip up here and a slip up there. There's no health threats looming large over my head. Now my focus is being like everyone else. Watching what I eat because I SHOULD! Do what I'm supposed to do because I'm supposed to do it! Wanting to do it for no reason other than I'm supposed to. That's actually motivation enough now. When did I become that person who has willpower to do things like that?? Me? Wuuuut?! 

It kind of smacks me between the eyes sometimes. I'm that person. I can say,

"No, thanks. I think I'm going to have [insert a healthy option here] instead."

I'm not just accepting that I can't have certain foods, I just don't want that stuff anymore. Sure I still like quick and easy - but my standard for what I'll eat quick and easy sure has changed. I'm all about the crock pot cooking now. Cooking up a bunch of healthy food and having it in the fridge to just heat up when I need a fast option. Making my own frozen meals!! I keep seeing those plastic tv trays with lids and thinking I should buy some and start making my own frozen meals. Canning my own foods also. I make a great chili. It's ridiculously a lot like NS' chili except spicier and has no carrot cubes hidden in it. How awesome would it be to open up a jar of my own home-made chili......made with veggies from my own garden.

Grandiose thoughts for sure. Well, grandiose in the way I'm thinking the thoughts - but they can become reality. It will just not happen overnight - but it's a way of doing things I can work towards. I can work out growing a veggie garden. I can save up my cash to get the supplies to do canning. I have some of what I need and the rest can be acquired. I'll have to set aside time on the weekends to do cooking and then my canning and freezing. I can see the path. In the meantime I can make use of my crock pot and fridge to have healthy meal options always available even if they are "leftovers". Because that's really what this is....grandiose leftovers. LOL 

This year will be different and better than last year. I will be working, and hopefully full-time work. I have one more goal to add to my list and I'll end today's post with that goal. 

Short Term Goal: Save up and purchase Rosetta Stone's Spanish program and learn Spanish!
Long Term Goal: Speak fluent Spanish! My hopefully-on-day-sister-in-law speaks Spanish and she's offered to help me be more fluent! If nothing else, learning the language will help us be closer! she's a sweet gal and I'd love to know her better! I will admit, it has it's professional uses - and will help me with getting work and advancing.  

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

January 6, 2015

It's official now, I gained 6 lbs! It felt like it was three times that, I swore I wouldn't be unhappy with the result and I'm genuinely relieved. I know darned good and well I had things like creme broulee and giant cheesecake slices every night and some nights I had it twice so the actual result is way lower than I expected it to be.

I've taken my thyroid meds and am now playing my daily waiting game. Enjoying a cup of coffee and getting my blog on. Trying to figure out what I want for breakfast! I definitely need to do a little grocery shopping today - just to pick up a few things I'm going to need like coffee creamer. LOL 

Lots to do today! I have a Girl Scout meeting tonight and I need to stop by the ATM and get a balance on the account so I can start keeping some kind of accounting of our funds and what we're doing with them. I'll see if there is someone at the bank who can help me log onto the bank's online banking so I can keep the books. Poor Laura need to get that off her shoulders. Starting Saturday I need to also start keeping track of who has what cookies out and who has paid for what cookies. Weeeee!! Everyone else gets so stressed out by cookie season but I really am not. It could be that I am not intimidated by the mountain of details that comes with cookie season. We're gearing up for the booths at the grocery stores and a week from Friday we have a our first booth at Winn Dixie and that's going to be fun because Winn Dixie allows us to have a table at each entrance because it has two.  One of the other stores has two entrances but they've declined to let us put a table at each one. The girls have been doing great with their sales so far and now their sales numbers will really shoot up! They'll get to see what a difference the two tables vs one table makes with booth sales. I've really been making the focus of this cookie sale to learn business skills. Safe online marketing, tracking sales, etc. I'm definitely one happy camper. This job really plays up to my skill set most of which have a limited range of applications. 

I've just about got it together for the day, I've got my to-do list in hand and now it's time to go get it done!! 

Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us ~Thomas L. Holdcroft

Monday, January 5, 2015

January 5, 2015

Yay! I'm home again, home again!! Now I need another vacation because I'm so tired from this one! 

I'm pleased to say there were plenty of GREAT and healthy options to eat and I'm even more pleased to report that I even had quite a bit of those healthy food options!! I got in all my veggie servings every day! Yah, I also ate all my dessert and last night I ate an entire piece of cheesecake that was the size of like three regular slices. It's literally more than I've eaten in the past year! Or probably will eat THIS year! LOL I told myself going into the cruise that the goal was to eat and eat often! If I over-indulged that was fine but better that than slipping back into my bad habit of not eating all day! There was lots of binge drinking and my visit to the Mayan ruins actually on Cozumel island seems to have brought on my menstrual cycle.

You know what?! I don't care. Yes, I stood on the scale when I got home this afternoon. I was HAPPY. No, I didn't lose weight. Yes, I gained a few pounds. Why am I happy? Because I maintained my every day eating habits! Getting back into my daily weight loss groove has been effortless today. It's like I never left the house! Oh look! There's an entire box of NS food sitting right snack bars are in my purse and the extras are packed in my suitcase right next to Pops shot glasses. 

I got the chance yesterday to walk a 5k for cancer. Both my parents had it, it claimed my mother's life and my youngest sister had it. Twice. I escaped a thyroid cancer scare myself so I had a ton of reasons to do that walk!! At the end I had to choose between finishing the entire walk or dodge out and go learn do the do the Samba for the "Dancing with the Stars" Dance activity. Yah, I stuck it out and finished the walk. I thought that would be a tougher choice than it turned out to be. That new habit of finishing the things I start reared it's pretty head! In the end, I couldn't bring myself to quit. Besides, it was just nine times around the ship and I was more than halfway through! 

I also got up in front of a room full of people with my husband and we sang Karaoke! "Margaritaville". It was a ton of fun! I was not feeling like I looked all that great - but I didn't let that stop me either. Karoke is a fun activity and honestly, one of those ones where the more you suck at it - the more fun it is for you and your audience!! 

All in all, a great trip and I'm so grateful we were able to go!! I'm sorry that I came home to comments on a long abandoned livejournal journal - most of the entries commented on were NINE YEARS old. That's right, I said it - nine years. One was back in 2005. Not as old but still old enough that it has no bearing on my life now. I was in an unhappy and miserable place. I didn't delete those things because I wanted to leave them there as a reminder to myself about how sad and pathetic my life was. While the whole thing has now disappeared from the site-  the posts were not deleted. I just recovered the password (the email notifications of the nasty "setting the record straight" comments told me that my email account associated with the journal is the one I currently use and not one of my old abandoned ones) and since it's been so long  since I last used it - took me a few minutes to figure out how to change ALL the posts to private - but I figured it out. Now everything is private - since I wanted to keep it as a reminder of where I should never let my headspace go. Maybe I'll start writing in it again - as a private place for me to write out my thoughts and just document my life for hindsight insights. However, all of the comments require "moderation" by me and they are still there as proof of the current ongoing situation and something concrete to take to the authorities so I can put an end to this sadness.

I truly feel bad. Father Jim has been encouraging me to take a compassionate viewpoint. Yes, of course, I should protect myself legally. At the same times in my private thoughts, remind myself that they pick apart me and my life because they are so unhappy with their own. Haters are going to hate. Proverbs 9:8 Don't rebuke a mocker or he will hate you. Rebuke a wise person, and he will love you. Wise words, indeed. No matter what I say, it will only make it worse - so best to not say anything. Those people have had access to those entries for the entire intervening time and had no issue with it's correctness until now? Coincidence that the sudden urge to call me out comes immediately following me going "private" on the internet? I think not. If they can't figure it out on their own, I'll leave it to the proper authorities to explain it to them. That's not my role. I'll say some rosaries for them and ask Father Jim to pray for them too. In the meantime, I have a ton of pictures on my husband's phone and mine to download from google pictures so I can make a jumpdrive full of all our pix for my mother-in-law!! Let her pick out which ones she wants to print! 

I finally remembered what it was I was supposed to do before I left. Do my car registration. Last year I didn't remember for MONTHS and ended up getting a citation for it. I ran down to the Car tag place, hopped in line and caught up on email and texts while I waited in the long line. It was nice to be unplugged for awhile but it's good to be back!! I missed all you guys!! 

Sunday, January 4, 2015

January 4, 2015

No birthdays today! LOL Today, our ship is sailing around the north side of Cuba and south of the Florida Keys on it's way back to Ft. Lauderdale's Port Everglades!! woohoo!! 

I'll be hitting the gym today too since I know I'll be taking the first few days off when I get back home so I can focus on getting back into the groove of my real life. No worries, I've planned my rest days to be after the trip. I'll be running like crazy and planning it this way means the gym will be one less thing to try and squeeze into my schedule! I'm also hoping to get some time with in the sunshine with the hubby! Maybe even get some dancing in too!!  I'll also have to be packed and ready to depart by midnight!

Short Term Goal for 2015: Go back to work. Since I gave birth to my youngest I've more or less been a stay at home Mom. Sure I worked on the family farm and in the family nursery- but now I'm ready to go back to work for  someone else and contribute to the household finances. I'm so frustrated with some of our financial issues, and that's largely centered around the fact my husband's source of income is inconsistent and people are forever "owing" for work done. They're all good for it- and they do pay just not as timely as I'd like it. The cost of doing business with people who have known you since you were knee high to them.  Me working means we have a certain amount that comes in regularly and from a payroll check that I can rely on. 

Sure, my ex-husband drug me into court over some child support thing he made up and the judge ruled that I have to go back to work - we've been talking about this for a long time now. In fact, I was going to go back to work last year after the summer lay-offs were over. Me getting injured and then having a subsequent surgery schedule kinda killed that. The judge's ruling is based on actual facts and therefore - it's dependent on me being medically cleared to go back to work! Fingers crossed that I'm cleared at my appt at the end of January!  The man can dance around and proclaim all the victories he wants but the truth is that he showed up in court with what he thought was proof of a salon that doesn't exist and never has. I HAD a business where I covered other nail tech appts when they were sick or assisted with large groups like wedding parties or seeing a few of my own clients in their homes but that business never got off the ground and was costing more than it was making!! I finally shut it down because even I can't deny the bottom line!!  Screen shots of shut down website, a defunct Facebook page and an abandoned blog was not considered proof of anything in the face of documentation that I was in ACL rehab, and was following the protocol and documentation of my second surgery. 

Long Term Goal: Get my last two daughter's through High School Graduation and NOT get cut out of that process or have it be the clusterfuck that poor Na-na's was!! Jaedah's won't be so tough as there's no ticket limit because that venue is HUGE but Shara goes to the same high school that Na-na did and I will need to be proactive and work directly with the school to make sure I am NOT cut out and poor Shara is not faced with having to choose between parents the way Na-na was!! I'm still proud of Na-na's choice of not picking either one!! I hate it that she felt like she had to choose - and I was not a participant of that. My ex can say whatever he likes to his friends but the fact is - he never said anything directly to me about any issues he had. He just railed against the idea in front of the kids and involved me not at all. Typical of him - he doesn't confront me about it because he knows where it would have ended up - and he would have lost. Instead, he takes it out on the kids by talking trash about Mommy in front of them. Not happening again, and I'm only sorry for not seeing it coming the first time. 

Saturday, January 3, 2015

January 3, 2015

Today is ANOTHER birthday - my Godmother's! She's my favorite Auntie and has had a HUGE impact on me growing up! I wanted to grow up and be just like her. In my way, I have turned out a lot like her. It's no coincidence that the women I grew up admiring are all strong willed women!

Today our ship is in port at Cozumel, Mexico. Again, I'm not planning on going ashore. My husband is planning on exploring some Mayan ruins and good for him. I'm spending another day in the ship's gym and pool side! Hopefully, by now I've gotten the hang of managing to remember to eat!! Since I have no where to be at all any of these days, I'm hoping to get some serious knee rehab in!! 

Short Term Goal for 2015: Family camping trip with my husband and youngest daughter! Not sure we're ready (read that as not sure Helen is old enough) to kayak/canoe into our campsite in Everglades National Park/Thousand Islands. 

Long Term Goal: Make that camping trip an annual event! There are tons of amazing state and national parks in our state and the keys that would be fun to camp at and enjoy what these parks have to offer! Even better if we can do kayaking/hiking/camping adventure trips with multiple sites! As the years go on - even branch outside of the state - there's some GREAT adventures to be had in the good old USA. 

Another day of relaxing and de-stressing under my belt! Still smoke free!! Hopefully, I'm enjoying the face time with my husband too!! Our life is about to get more hectic than it already is - as I make some much needed changes to way I do things. 

Friday, January 2, 2015

January 2, 2014

Yay! It's my daughter's birthday today!! On this day 17 years ago, I was overdue by a month plus and had to be induced. Once they got it going though - it was quick!! My little girl has done me proud!! We spent my time in Boston with her bonding over our respective workout routines and me trying some of her exercises and her trying some of MINE! Mostly they were the same - just done different methods. We essentially fooled around on the equipment and doing floor work.

Today the ship is port at Grand Caymen. It's not my intention to even go ashore today - just a day for me to relax in the sun and get my workout on in the ship's gym. We'll see how that goes in reality.

Short term goal for 2015: Reach my goal weight!! I'm currently shooting for 155 and right now I'm at 180. Only 25 lbs left. I should weight no less than 150 and no more than I set the goal right in the middle. 

Long term goal: Get a tummy tuck!! Time to tighten up the skin from being overweight and having six kids!! Skin shrinks but it has limits on how much it CAN shrink after it's been stretched out such an extreme size. I do what I can to help that happen with the exercise - but even that has it's limits. I'll give it time and do everything else possible to help along the process but sooner or later - I'm gonna have to nip and tuck! 

Here's to a relaxing day! 

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Jan 1, 2015

I've deleted the past posts that were here and made this entire blog private. If you can view this blog - that means you've been invited to view it! I won't stop blogging and I won't engage in the crazy. 

Today is New Year's Day!! I'm currently in Jamaica with my husband, little one and my husband's immediate family! Our plans for the day involve hiking up the Dunn's River Falls! I've packed plenty of bars to take with me so I will hopefully remember to eat in between the day's activities and I'll report back on how I did during the cruise on remembering to eat.  This is an all day activity since the falls are not near where our ship is docked in Montego Bay. This will be my final excursion of this trip.

No, I did not pay to log onto the internet during our trip out of the country. I just wrote these first few posts before I left and set them to post automatically. So the first five days will involve me just reporting on what and where I expect to be on that day. I won't actually post a "live" post until Jan 6. 

To keep this from being silly, while I'm away I'm going to post my goals for this year and one long term goal.

Short term: Complete a 5k run. I have not yet decided what run I'm going to do - I still cannot run for more than 1 minute continuously - but I expect that by the end of the year to see my knee back to full strength and able to run a complete 5k!! 

Long Term: Qualify for the Boston marathon for my age group by 2020! I think 5 years is more than enough time for me to meet those qualifications! Since just qualifying doesn't guarantee entrance - I've made the goal to just qualify for now. Let's see where I'm at when I reach that point I'm able to run a full marathon before I set that time limit on when I want to achieve completing the race. For now, this is a good start to what I know is an evolving goal. 

That's all for today - I'm saving the rest of the goals for the other days I'm away.