Wednesday, March 4, 2015

March 4, 2015

Whelp. I decided to wait until next week until after my appt with Dr. Denham. T offered me some paid work with him on the house up near Coconut Creek. Doing some drywall and painting. Woohoo!! 

As it turns out, it was a GOOD thing I didn't start at Costa Monday. I went ahead and started Helen on the after-care at school and then picked up by South Dade park's transportation during the later dismissal of the older grades. Yah, that didn't work out so well. The school forgot to send her to bus area, and she never made it to her after school program. Yah, so I was unhappy about that. I ran over to the school. The staff member who was supposed to send her over forgot and she wasn't on the paperwork either. If she'd had the right paperwork - she would have been reminded that Helen wasn't in the extended after-care program. Now, hopefully, everyone is clear where they are supposed to be in the afternoon, this week seems to be the week to work out the kinks in the plan! I'm also all paid up for after care until the end of the month! Helen will be in "camp" during vacation week, provided they get enough kids to hold it. She can leave camp for her gig with the Homestead Police, and I think T is going to have to take her to that. Well at least she was there today! I was afraid they were going to send her to after-care instead of putting her on the bus to go to her after school program. 

After my last post, I went to the gym. I've gone back to logging my food because of the weight gain and the fact I have the fit bit now. Tracking the outgoing calories does me no good if I'm not tracking the incoming ones too. LOL I've learned a few things from my fit bit. Yes, my original concern that I'm more active than the formulas say I am. Granted, these days, I'm constantly moving. Even when sitting still, I'm not really still. I fidget, wiggle a foot, some part of my body needs to be moving. I am still having good and bad nights. It is REALLY helpful to know how I'm sleeping. Yes, I am burning more per day than I originally thought but not nearly as much as I feared it would be. What is abundantly clear to me is that I cannot skate by not working out. It is having a negative emotional impact as well as not progressing my fitness goals. That 30 minute run on the elliptical was all I needed to clear my head and give me the attitude adjustment I really needed. 

I have no Nutrisystem food and I'm struggling with that. However, I don't feel bad about the struggle. I need to work this out and get the hang of eating completely on my own without any packaged food. That is my goal - to eat healthy without having to eat packaged food. In fact, I've decided to switch to Ala carte and not do the full plan anymore. If I need a little kick start or some help because things are too crazy....I can just go buy a week's worth at Walmart or buy random items from Walmart. I don't feel like I need the packaged foods so badly. I CAN do this and I believe in myself. FINALLY! I really think I can do this. The struggles I have no are just me working out the kinks! 

The workout gave me time to really think about the marital issues we've been having lately. At the end of the day, the root cause of our problems is the time. There's just not enough time in the day. I have to just let that go. Things are not going to be as good as they were before because we just don't have the time to invest in the things we were doing before. It's time to hang onto each other and just grind it out. We both have professional goals we want to reach - and to get there we have to sacrifice time and be on the look out for our moments! Cherish those moments instead of being resentful that there aren't more of them. Ok that's ME that needs to do that. I think some of it is also me having too much free time on my hands. Idle time has always been and always will be my worst enemy. I'm meant to be busy. Fact of the matter is, I'm happiest when I'm swamped! 

Our plan to have the girls do new troop shirts worked out GREAT! The girls had a blast! Got to show off their creative side and they had fun coming up in with Camp Names. I was able to handle troop business with the Moms also. We're all in to make Easter Baskets for the homeless, not so clear about the delivery of said baskets but we're at least all in to make them! We set a date for the end of cookie season pool party and decided our dues. Up until now, we've not been collecting dues! That has to change and we handled that. Everyone is up to date on upcoming events and it went so smooth! So much easier without the disruptive influences. I have all the images ready for the iron-ons and all I have to do now is print and iron on! Woohoo! It really did feel like a new beginning! Now, I just need to come up with next week's activity. I'll check Pinterest for something fun. 

Time to go do that and then get some crochet in! 

Monday, March 2, 2015

March 2, 2015

I'm having a tough time right now. Today sucks but in general, I'm having a rough time. I'm gaining weight, I'm stressed out to the extreme, and I'm emotional like I've never been. 

I'm back up to 181 lbs. I am working on being more strict with my eating. Making sure I eat - making sure when I do eat, I'm eating the right things. 

I was supposed to start working this week. As disappointing as it is that T's brother promised me more help than he delivered - at least I had a lead. I made arrangements for Helen and I showed up at Costa Farms this morning because they're hiring a ton of people - there's signs EVERYWHERE that they're hiring. I get there this morning 45 minutes before human resources opens only to discover I don't have my Social Security card, I have my old one under my old name and I waited until nearly 10 just to be told, come back with the right card. :-/

I was pretty devastated by that. I was already upset because I was sitting there and ppl are being pulled out of the crowd to go work and it was not looking good for me. 

I can't change that stuff. I was willing to stay until I got a job - but I can't get a job without the social security card. I came home, looked for it and by the time I was able to determine it's not here in the house, Mom doesn't have it and it's just gone. :( It's too late for me to drive the hour up the road to get another one and be back in time to pick up the little one (I'd already told her that I'd pick her up); So I go up there after picking up the little one only to discover the office is closed already. I didn't make it in time.

I cried all the way back to Homestead. I get to the school, I'd decided screw it. I'll go back and be there when they open; get my card (and receipt) and go park my ass back at Costa to try and get a job - so might as well pay for the after-care. The lady left for the day already. 

The gym teacher was there sitting in the office and I mention I lost my SS card and she says 

"Everything happens for a reason"

Made me stop and think. Maybe it does. Maybe I should not do this now. I am so confused. :(