February 26, 2015

Busy Busy couple of days! I got my baptismal certificate all turned in and now I'm officially all set for my confirmation! Woohooo!

Wednesday I got a lead on a job. I'm going down to Costa Farms Monday morning to apply there. I'll have to leave early or call off work for my appt with Dr Denham and definitely call off for my call-in court hearing. I'm not sure how that's going to play out.....but I'll figure it out. 

I spent most of my day cooking. I was originally planning on going with T to work to do some painting on his jobsite. Yesterday, I made Parm crusted Tilapia for dinner. I bought extra fish so I could make lunches to take with me to work. FISH TACOS anyone? So today, I actually put together my fish tacos and put them in the fridge. I also made Chicken Tortilla Soup for dinner, and the leftovers will also be my lunches. 

Because I know I'll be far away from my vehicle working out at Costa, my plan is to get the Atkins bars I like and keep them in a fanny pack on my waist. That in and of itself, is Na NSV because of the first time in, I don't know how long, I can wear one comfortably! How freeing it is to have that at my disposal! I have an option I've never had before! Anyhoo - all I have to do now is figure out after-school. I'm tempted to have Helen stay at Avocado after school until the bus for south-dade comes. I'm not sure I can do that though. I was supposed to ask about that today when I picked her up. I guess I'll do it when I drop her at school tomorrow. I won't get a paycheck for the next two days work - but I got to spend some money already. 

It's some crazy logistics but it will be worth it. I'm going bat-shit-crazy with boredom just sitting home on my ass. I've lost a lot of weight, I've gotten my health issues more or less under control and now I can't stand sitting on my ass anymore. I realize just how negatively this thyroid stuff impacted me. Now I can finally see it.  My mother always said, when I started having thyroid problems there was this HUGE dramatic drop in my energy level.  I never understood what she meant by that. She'd try and explain it that it was like I hit a wall and I didn't get it. Now I finally understand what she meant!! Holy cow! The difference between now and even 20 years ago is just so dramatic! Not nearly as moody, a bazillion times more energetic and I feel less manic and more ADHD - now I have the physical energy to match the mental energy. Unlike most people, if I felt manic - I didn't have the crazy "I'm Wonder Woman" kinda theme to my thoughts. Just thinking a million miles an hour. Oddly enough, my body catching up to my brain makes it feel like my brain has slowed down. It hasn't - my body is just able to keep up and moves on to the next thing. 

I will admit, I have lots of anxieties about going back to work. It's been more than 10 years since I've had a traditional job. I keep telling myself that I'm worrying about nothing. I was able to work a regular job back when I getting out of bed and getting out the door was a feat in and of itself and only happened through sheer force of will.  Oddly enough - me going back to work means less housework. LOL No one here to mess up the house except the dogs. They're easy - just sweep the floors every night,  keeping on top of the dishes in the morning and in the evening and I'm good to go! I'll have to do a lot of advance cooking on the weekends so I'm all set for week days but it is comforting that I have a strategy at my disposal to keep up with my proper eating every day! I know what to do and I CAN do it!  T said I can get a fitbit so I can track my calories burned so I know when and if I need to start increasing my food intake.  

I have been doing a lot of self-talk lately. Reminding myself to stop putting off moving forward over silly details. Reminding myself that I'm a smart gal who can think on her feet well enough that I can handle anything that comes up. I need to stay in the now and have confidence in myself that I can figure out anything that comes up. Stop holding myself back over these silly anxieties! Close my eyes and just GO! 

Girl Scouts is going GREAT! I worked on the image for the girls' T-shirts today. I took one of the Traditional Trefoil cookie wearing a GS sash image off the website and set it in the middle and put the Troop # over the top and the council logo under the cookie - and finally a "Camp Name". We'll have the girls pick out camp names at the next meeting - at the following meeting -the girls will get their shirts, logo and all. I'm so excited about this project. I know, I'm excited about a lot of things. 

On that note, it's late and I need to be up early tomorrow so I can get my carcass in gear on time! No BS excuses in the morning! 

February 13, 2015

I skipped my workout today but oh what a wonderful day I had. I cleaned my house. It's not completely decluttered but it's at least neat and tidy! The floors are clean, the bathroom is clean and my laundry is all put away and hubby's clothes are up on his clothes rod in the closet I can't reach! 

It just felt good to put my house in order and be able to finish it! In one afternoon! I tried to work on a crochet stitch but it's going to take multiple attempts to learn this new stitch. I am using a YouTube tutorial but it's difficult to learn in reverse. I'm left handed and I crochet left handed, so I have to everything backwards. I know if I stick with this I can figure it out!! It's the basket weave stitch I've been trying to learn for ages now! At least I've found a few videos to help me figure it out. 

Busy busy weekend planned. It's the last weekend of cookie booths and tomorrow we'll do our cookie booth, come home and then jump right into making Valentines and our little projects for the surprise for T. T and I have a romantic evening in planned. 

I still have confirmation class on Sunday morning and then we have our last and final cookie booth at noon. Then I have to run to a store to get a birthday present and then Helen is going to a birthday party. She hasn't been invited to a birthday party since pre-school so she's very excited to have been invited and that I'm letting her go. 

That gel I got from the doctor's office rocks!! I went for a run yesterday and afterwards put some on, slapped on the tens unit and wrapped up my knee in ice - ohhhhh it felt sooo good afterwards! It really has made a difference in keeping the inflammation under control. Works better than even Motrin does! 

I'm hoping to not be so sleep deprived come Monday morning that I can put my head together with Mr B and re-design my workout. I want to shake up my workout in a major way. I really am bored with it and he's already suggested that it might be time to do that. 

Here's to an amazing, fun filled holiday weekend! Woohooo!! 

January 10, 2015

That wasn't so bad. I had cookie pick-up first thing this morning. This is my first year being "cookie mom" and being in charge of cookies. I keep hearing all these horror stories about how awful it is, not just from people all over but people around here. Not a hitch. My husband was my driver, and we pulled in, checked in and pulled up, loaded up and checked out. Our time slot was 8:07 and we were done by 8:00 am and driving away with our truck load of cookies. 

Yah, T had to run off to work as soon as he parked the truck and the little one slept over at Grandma's last night so we could go hang out with friends and do cookies first thing this morning.  I unloaded all those cookies by myself and got them upstairs in the house. Surprise workout!  I'm definitely ready to get back to work - maybe need some kind of prescription anti-inflammatory stronger than ibuprofen - but I'm ready. My knee held up just fine - and after a hard week of working it at the gym.

I've pretty much spent most of my day today doing cookies and Girl Scout stuff. I have to have a day to focus on the GS stuff and that's going to be a key to moving forward with my plans to be a Leader AND a working mom. 

Speaking of plans....Yesterday I took advantage of a coaching call with Christie. It was a great call but one of the things we talked about is Daily Affirmations. She gave me an excellent example and the theme of our discussion was now that I'm done running from the painful health issues and am trying to run toward the positives in life....What exactly am I running towards? I think the lack of direction in my life right now is why I'm not nearly as driven as I was in the beginning of my weight loss journey. The health issues didn't entirely disappear but they are looming just enough to keep me from backsliding - but not close enough to propel me forward. 

Yes, I want to keep doing Girl Scouts, especially after today and last night. I volunteered to help out at the Cookie PJ Party and what little there was for me to do - I genuinely enjoyed it! Sure I'd like to complete the Boston Marathon some day. Be at my goal weight. Stay at my goal weight. I need to have some actual career and make money for myself and my family...doing what? I don't know. Do I go all in with this nursery gig or take a more traditional stab at the nail thing again?  A bunch of goals but they seem to disparate from each other. There is a lack of overall direction - a master plan. That is what I need to sit and think on this week. What's my master plan here?? j

Unlike when I was 18, and I feared getting locked into any situation and desperately wanted to keep my options open, I'm not afraid of that anymore. I'm somewhat late to the commitment party - but I'm here now! I told my husband we need to set aside some time to have a deep discussion about my master plan and what it should look like. Not just for me, but for us BOTH, as a couple and individuals. That discussion needs to not happen on our way to a party. We'll set aside a date night and bring a pen and paper. 

Now that is out of the way, it's time for some FOOTBALL!! GO PATRIOTS!! 

January 7, 2015

I did my weigh in yesterday. The damage is only 6 lbs. I have to be honest and say my reaction to that was "That's it??" I said I wasn't going to worry about a gain and I was surprised to discover that I wasn't the least bit worried. I have, after all, lost 80 lbs so far. Seriously, what's six pounds compared to that? Not a heck of a lot - let me tell ya!! A few weeks and I'll be right back down to 180. One of the first times in my life, I truly have complete confidence that I can lose it. It's not an unrealistic expectation, I know exactly what I need to do. I planned to indulge and indulge I did and now it's back to daily life and back on the weight loss train. 

I thought about not weighing in. 
"Wait til next week," that lying little voice said. 
"It's not Monday, it won't be a true weigh-in"

HA!! Yah right. It's a true weigh in. I logged it on the NS site so now it really counts. Even though I have all that stuff hidden..."Nutrisystem" knows. Something about logging it on NS' site makes it REAL for me. I'm admitting it here and coming clean and I'll be doing that in the Facebook group soon too! Shout it from the rooftops as much as I dare! Some part of me is also a little happy. I did something normal and mundane - I gained weight from eating too much of the wrong things. Not some weirdo, thyroid, under-eating with a screwed up metabolism thing - just plain old overeating bad stuff. For so long something has been wrong with me...now nothing is wrong with me. If I overeat or eat the wrong things, I gain weight just like every one else. I'm not special or different and it's the best feeling in the world. 

I see a shift in the way I look at my weight now. When I started, it was about getting healthy. Getting all that metabolism and blood sugar stuff under control. Yah, now it's under control. I'm in no danger of going back to that with a slip up here and a slip up there. There's no health threats looming large over my head. Now my focus is being like everyone else. Watching what I eat because I SHOULD! Do what I'm supposed to do because I'm supposed to do it! Wanting to do it for no reason other than I'm supposed to. That's actually motivation enough now. When did I become that person who has willpower to do things like that?? Me? Wuuuut?! 

It kind of smacks me between the eyes sometimes. I'm that person. I can say,

"No, thanks. I think I'm going to have [insert a healthy option here] instead."

I'm not just accepting that I can't have certain foods, I just don't want that stuff anymore. Sure I still like quick and easy - but my standard for what I'll eat quick and easy sure has changed. I'm all about the crock pot cooking now. Cooking up a bunch of healthy food and having it in the fridge to just heat up when I need a fast option. Making my own frozen meals!! I keep seeing those plastic tv trays with lids and thinking I should buy some and start making my own frozen meals. Canning my own foods also. I make a great chili. It's ridiculously a lot like NS' chili except spicier and has no carrot cubes hidden in it. How awesome would it be to open up a jar of my own home-made chili......made with veggies from my own garden.

Grandiose thoughts for sure. Well, grandiose in the way I'm thinking the thoughts - but they can become reality. It will just not happen overnight - but it's a way of doing things I can work towards. I can work out growing a veggie garden. I can save up my cash to get the supplies to do canning. I have some of what I need and the rest can be acquired. I'll have to set aside time on the weekends to do cooking and then my canning and freezing. I can see the path. In the meantime I can make use of my crock pot and fridge to have healthy meal options always available even if they are "leftovers". Because that's really what this is....grandiose leftovers. LOL 

This year will be different and better than last year. I will be working, and hopefully full-time work. I have one more goal to add to my list and I'll end today's post with that goal. 

Short Term Goal: Save up and purchase Rosetta Stone's Spanish program and learn Spanish!
Long Term Goal: Speak fluent Spanish! My hopefully-on-day-sister-in-law speaks Spanish and she's offered to help me be more fluent! If nothing else, learning the language will help us be closer! she's a sweet gal and I'd love to know her better! I will admit, it has it's professional uses - and will help me with getting work and advancing.